Breaking News
Its a common phenomenon to see anything of the magnitude of frequency of aishwarya's fart is also characterized as breaking news these days. (welcome to the world of 21 st century news reporting)
Not some two years i remember when we busting our asses on class X my completely screwed up bunch of friends reportedly consisting of Reepan "reeps", Jyotirmoy "monkey- man" launched a new news channel "Raj Tak- bringing You Breaking News at the speed of Indian Police"
n Yesterday my screwed up brain on reportedly being over tortured with daily wtf news on India TV(which as far as i kno is new name of Aaj Tak)...decided to write a piece on the kind of news reported that have become as common as the knowlegde that our national politics is a big piece of stinking shit.
Here's a piece of priceless excerpts...
Over Enthusiastic Journalist (OJ) - "I'm reporting live from a house in Dadar, Mumbai, where an old woman is desperately searching for her dentures in her very own house. This old woman has been living with her husband in this flat all her life. Their loneliness might be due to their cowardly children leaving home because they didn't want the responsibility. There is also a big possibility of the husband being too impotent to have children in the first place. Back to the studio."
Some Anchor on the Studio (SAS) - "OJ... what is the current situation.. what are we looking at here? What is the woman saying, will the dentures be used in the eventuality of them being found?"
OJ - "Well, SAS, I haven't been able to get a confirmation on this but I'm pretty sure the dentures are going to be used for chewing and biting... I repeat, chewing and biting. Mainly food and old newspapers.
SAS - "Well... that is shocking news indeed. For our viewers that have just joined us, we are bringing to you live, the story of a old woman in Dadar in Mumbai who is looking for her dentures in her house. OJ... what is the latest information you can give us?
OJ - "SAS, We have evidence to believe that the woman is still looking for her dentures. I repeat, she is still looking for her dentures. We will now speak to her possibly impotent husband about the progress on finding the dentures.
Sir.. what can you tell us about the dentures? Where all has she looked in the house?
Possible Impotent Man Prakash (PIMP) - "Mmm.. uhh.. my byph.. has been looking for her dentures in our toilet... mm... the bedroom... mm... I'm having trouble talking because of severe dysarthria... mm..."
OJ - "Sir... are those teeth real or have you stolen your wife's dentures as your neighbors are speculating?"
PIMP - "What?! mm... NONSENSE... mm... My teeth are my own... dentures. These are all lies! Lies I tell you!"
OJ - "Sir, one last question. Is it true that you have not been able to wag the shag in the last fifteen years?"
PIMP - "mm.. ?"
OJ - "Oh for goodness sake ARE YOU IMPOTENT?"
PIMP - "Wah... WHAT.. WHAT NONSENSE... ack... my... heart.."
OJ - "Well SAS it seems that more than one organ malfunctions in the old man's body."
SAS - "That's... shocking... really... shocking... We will now get you live feedback on the situation from Mr Mahesh Bhatt. Mr Bhatt... what are your views on the inability of the old woman to find her dentures."
Mahesh Bhatt - "SAS, let me clarify one thing that I have always.. in my entire life.. found toothless old women sexy. In fact, my next film, we will break my grandmother's teeth and make her wear a bikini. You see... a woman's toothlessness is the way to her heart. I used to smash my granny's teeth all the time. I hope the film is a smash hit... like my granny's face.. because you see the idiosyncrasy of the woman's dentures has a profound effect on.."
SAS - "THIS JUST IN... THIS JUST IN... THE OLD WOMAN HAS MANAGED TO LOCATE THE DENTURES.. OJ... what can you tell us about this recent update?"
OJ - "SAS... we have just received a update from the official spokesperson for the old woman's house. Actually, it’s just the Nepalese watchman but Official Spokesperson sounds much more trustworthy. Thapaji... Aap hume kya bata sakte hain?"
Thapa (Thapa) - "ooo.. wooo boodiya kooo daath.. milgayaiiiii.. who mera saamne.. daath ko mooh mein daalla iii.. ooooo.. aaaa.."
OJ - "There you have it SAS.. confirmation that the old woman HAS IN FACT managed to locate her dentures."
SAS - "That's shocking.. truly shocking.. joining us to discuss and deliberate on this issue.. and because they have nothing better to do in life.. Mr Jaddhav Thackeray, Mr Mahesh Bhatt, and for some inexplicable reason, Ms Dia Mirza."
this piece as far as the writer's knowledge is inspired from the bombay attacks reporting(like the news of India Tv are inspired by youtube)
Not some two years i remember when we busting our asses on class X my completely screwed up bunch of friends reportedly consisting of Reepan "reeps", Jyotirmoy "monkey- man" launched a new news channel "Raj Tak- bringing You Breaking News at the speed of Indian Police"
n Yesterday my screwed up brain on reportedly being over tortured with daily wtf news on India TV(which as far as i kno is new name of Aaj Tak)...decided to write a piece on the kind of news reported that have become as common as the knowlegde that our national politics is a big piece of stinking shit.
Here's a piece of priceless excerpts...
Over Enthusiastic Journalist (OJ) - "I'm reporting live from a house in Dadar, Mumbai, where an old woman is desperately searching for her dentures in her very own house. This old woman has been living with her husband in this flat all her life. Their loneliness might be due to their cowardly children leaving home because they didn't want the responsibility. There is also a big possibility of the husband being too impotent to have children in the first place. Back to the studio."
Some Anchor on the Studio (SAS) - "OJ... what is the current situation.. what are we looking at here? What is the woman saying, will the dentures be used in the eventuality of them being found?"
OJ - "Well, SAS, I haven't been able to get a confirmation on this but I'm pretty sure the dentures are going to be used for chewing and biting... I repeat, chewing and biting. Mainly food and old newspapers.
SAS - "Well... that is shocking news indeed. For our viewers that have just joined us, we are bringing to you live, the story of a old woman in Dadar in Mumbai who is looking for her dentures in her house. OJ... what is the latest information you can give us?
OJ - "SAS, We have evidence to believe that the woman is still looking for her dentures. I repeat, she is still looking for her dentures. We will now speak to her possibly impotent husband about the progress on finding the dentures.
Sir.. what can you tell us about the dentures? Where all has she looked in the house?
Possible Impotent Man Prakash (PIMP) - "Mmm.. uhh.. my byph.. has been looking for her dentures in our toilet... mm... the bedroom... mm... I'm having trouble talking because of severe dysarthria... mm..."
OJ - "Sir... are those teeth real or have you stolen your wife's dentures as your neighbors are speculating?"
PIMP - "What?! mm... NONSENSE... mm... My teeth are my own... dentures. These are all lies! Lies I tell you!"
OJ - "Sir, one last question. Is it true that you have not been able to wag the shag in the last fifteen years?"
PIMP - "mm.. ?"
OJ - "Oh for goodness sake ARE YOU IMPOTENT?"
PIMP - "Wah... WHAT.. WHAT NONSENSE... ack... my... heart.."
OJ - "Well SAS it seems that more than one organ malfunctions in the old man's body."
SAS - "That's... shocking... really... shocking... We will now get you live feedback on the situation from Mr Mahesh Bhatt. Mr Bhatt... what are your views on the inability of the old woman to find her dentures."
Mahesh Bhatt - "SAS, let me clarify one thing that I have always.. in my entire life.. found toothless old women sexy. In fact, my next film, we will break my grandmother's teeth and make her wear a bikini. You see... a woman's toothlessness is the way to her heart. I used to smash my granny's teeth all the time. I hope the film is a smash hit... like my granny's face.. because you see the idiosyncrasy of the woman's dentures has a profound effect on.."
SAS - "THIS JUST IN... THIS JUST IN... THE OLD WOMAN HAS MANAGED TO LOCATE THE DENTURES.. OJ... what can you tell us about this recent update?"
OJ - "SAS... we have just received a update from the official spokesperson for the old woman's house. Actually, it’s just the Nepalese watchman but Official Spokesperson sounds much more trustworthy. Thapaji... Aap hume kya bata sakte hain?"
Thapa (Thapa) - "ooo.. wooo boodiya kooo daath.. milgayaiiiii.. who mera saamne.. daath ko mooh mein daalla iii.. ooooo.. aaaa.."
OJ - "There you have it SAS.. confirmation that the old woman HAS IN FACT managed to locate her dentures."
SAS - "That's shocking.. truly shocking.. joining us to discuss and deliberate on this issue.. and because they have nothing better to do in life.. Mr Jaddhav Thackeray, Mr Mahesh Bhatt, and for some inexplicable reason, Ms Dia Mirza."
this piece as far as the writer's knowledge is inspired from the bombay attacks reporting(like the news of India Tv are inspired by youtube)
Labels: humour
January 9, 2009 at 12:23 PM
gud stuff cd....go ahead, we're waiting 4 more of dese blasting breaking news..... top